Hidey Ho, Primates! Welcome to the return of the one and only Real Banana, your source for the real poop on politics.
Let's do it and get to it..and hoo-wee, do we have a nice juicy scandal to liven things up!
Herman Cain, GOP candidate is right in the middle of a major poop storm involving allegations of sexual harassment. At this point five separate primates have come forward and accused ol' Herman of sexual harassment.
Originally, Cain was able to sluff this stuff off. First he said he didn't remember anything. Then as more details came out, including the fact that two of these women were given hefty financial settlements from the trade group he was CEO of, Cain's story changed, with him spinning it as as just non-specific innuendo.But the last coupla babes have been more specific, including one who claims he took her out to the parking lot,grabbed at her goodies and pushed her head into his crotch. Yowza!
Hee hee hee, a politician with a zipper problem. Never heard of that before, have we? And it's gonna get even better.
Cain gave a presser today in which he claimed he had 'never acted inappropriately with anyone'(huh? Haven't we all?)and that he didn't even remember meeting the parking lot primate. Yet right wing wack job Glenn Beck had some woman named Amy Jacobson from radio station WIND on his talk show who claims she was at a Tea Party event where Cain was speaking, just a few weeks ago, and Parking Lot Primate went up to him, put her arm around him, started yakking in his ear to him intently for about 3 minutes or so and had his full attention.
Now all of Cain's little former playmates, at least those who have surfaced so far are talking about doing a JOINT presser, which oughta be big fun.
Now personally,when it comes to one primate,AKA Karen Kraushaar, I kinda smell the rich stench of an attempted shakedown. But all those other wimmens? And Cain says there may be more?
No way even cartoon character Gloria Allread could get all these women on board at the same time.
Now here's the thing. Mr. Pizza's biggest problem isn't the accusations, but how he and his people have handled it. At this point, he's already been caught in several whoppers as he changes his story, and just looks like a sex-crazed baboon. Mr.Bill had an even worse problem, but he solved it by making a deal with Shrillery, getting her on board and sticking to his original story. Then they could sic their people on the women and could go after them as sluts,trailer trash and liars. Probably woulda worked even with Kneepads Lewinsky if Mr. Bill had aimed where he was supposed to instead of at the dress.
That's how Mr. Pizza shoulda handled this from the first. Instead, he hid his wifey at home and keeps digging himself a deeper and deeper hole .. bad move. And even worse because Cain apparently doesn't have a freakin' pitbull like Serpenthead Carville working for him to do the crazed, foaming-at the-mouth thing on the TV shows. If Mr. Pizza was really this big time CEO he keeps telling us he was, that shoulda been the first person he hired
I dunno about you, but even if I was a ReThug, I wouldn't want somebody as inept as Mr. Pizza as my candidate, let alone as Chief Primate in Charge. Sheesh,I wouldn't even trust him to make me a deep dish with extra cheese on his own, let alone deliver it! Gimme a president who knows how to handle a good old fashioned sex scandal without getting his jimmy whacked.
There's gotta be a campaign slogan in that last sentence somewhere..
Smell yah later, Primates!
Weekend Monkey was a Democratic candidate for president in 2008 and is JoshuaPundit's political Guru. He can be reached for interviews, offers and free stuff at wendmonkey@yahoo.com
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